Tidbits of Information! ;-)

I’m thinking of picking up random news and generally update the reading public on what’s going on….in the “real” world….so here goes….

Dr. Sanjay Gupta from CNN says that having sex while sleeping is a sort of a disease! Believe it or not, it’s called Sexsomnia. Now, there are a few random thoughts that come to mind about this topic…

1. The very first thing ofcourse…off the record…is WOOOOOHOOOO!!!!!
2. This is a disease that I don’t believe many people will have a problem with…EVER!
3. There may be T-Shirts made in the very near future (if not already) proclaiming that the wearer may be a sexsomniac!
4. Med Students be warned – please do NOT specialize in this field….for obvious reasons! Ditto for all the pharma companies out there…..it’s a waste of money people….plus what are you going to do when millions of people show up for the Phase 3 trials?? :-)
5. I know what you’re thinking…and the answer is NO, there is no way you can contract this “disease” by doing “anything”….you are blessed with it…or NOT!
6. I see a distinct advantage here…the Industrial Engineer in me says there’s great productivity gains to be had….you are sleeping...AND…you are having sex….AT THE SAME BLOODY TIME!! How much cooler than it get? ;-)
7. I can see Jay Leno, David Letterman etc. smacking their lips just thinking about the material they can spin off this bit of info!
8. That's it amigos, go back to doing whatever it was that you were doing....shoo!

DVG Cricket Gang Part III - HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUMMA!!

Well, if Taks and Umi are already in my blog, can Dumma be far behind? Here's an entire blog dedicated to the dude! :-) He's a misfit to be called Dumma today, but that's how he started and that's what he will remain as far as we're concerned....coming up with new and innovative nicknames is a difficult job! Even before I get started, let me simply state for the record that Dumma's Dad is the COOLEST Dad on this planet! I have never seen and probably will never see anyone else quite like him!!

Dumma - His real name is Ramesh Volety...dont read too much into his last name....He was (and still is) the least volatile of the Shetty Clan! Infact he's so down-to-earth that the Shetty Big-wigs in Bengalooru have issued a fatwa (let's just simplify it in this case to a death-threat) on Dumma's ass for his mostly un-Shettylike behavior!! :-)

On the field, Dumma's batting prowess included mostly hitting the most bizarre version of a pullshot I've ever seen...not to mention a square cut that would make Gundappa Vishwanath roll over in his grave (this I say even though I don't know if GV is dead!) He was unpredictable in the sense that he himself mostly didn't know where he was going to hit the bloody ball...how the f%&k were we supposed to know! His running between the wickets left much to be desired....for obvious reasons! He has been the cause of many run-outs and probably holds the record next to CNP for the maximum run-outs in HIS OWN TEAM!! He had a knack for picking up anything that was well-pitched up...although he did exhibit a distinct displeasure for yorkers....he was a seamy-swingy kind of bowler who got his wickets thanks to some phenomenal fielders!! :-) His fielding skills were mostly around stopping what hit him directly...chasing the ball in the outfield was...let's just say, not his cup of tea!

Off the field was where Dumma shone like the Dhruva Nakshatra!! A mostly disti student and a state ranker, he was the first principles guy! He could derive how X squared multiplied by cube root of...blah blah.....to the integral of...yada yada... equals the number of times your mama beat your ass growing up! all from first principles ofcourse! It is precisely for this Un-Shetty like behavior that he's in Boston today, hiding from all his uncles in Bangalore...a total disgrace to his clan.

For all you people who still question what is this behavior I talk about, Shetty dudes are "supposed" to be businessmen....very savvy buggers at that....they own hotels, grocery stores etc,. and specialize in precisely 5 aspects of arithmetic...addition, subtraction, multiplication, division and if you haven't guessed already, (shame on you!) % interest for the loan they give out to fellows like us! Anything remotely connected to 'x' and 'y' or angles would almost guarantee outcast status....inspite of knowing that, Dumma did his engineering...go figure!

One dis-honorable mention por favor....Dumma was the ONLY person in the class to REFUSE to BUNK an SOM (Strength of Materials) class in the second year! Even all the girls (ahem...only 4 in a class of 30) walked out....The prof. taught him in the staff room as he was the only one around! That was his dedication to studies and lack of concern for his fellow students!

There's much more to talk about...but it's Dumma's birthday and I dont want to make any more trouble than I already have...so I'll let you off the hook.....for now!

Cheers! Have a wonderful birthday and a long and happy life Dummudu!! :-)

P.S. Old Shetty Saying (remember Phantom?) - IF YO ASS CAN'T COUNT IT, IT DOESN'T EXIST!! :-)

DVG Cricket Gang Part II

Continuing on from my previous post....

Takloo - His real name is Bharath Mohan (read Moghan) but hey, what's in a name? He got a good price for his corner sites....i.e. on both sides of his head and he sold his real estate to the devil! Very lucky for us, he didn't grow horns! Well, that brings us neatly to his not so imaginative nickname takloo....later further shortened to Taks. While we are on the point of shortening, might I also add that taks is a short guy....but there ain't nothing short about his attitude! :-)

On the field, he was a cunning bugger with a lot of cricketing deception...well, I'm no specialist in sun signs and shit but I believe Scorpios are cosmically wired that way! :-) He used to bring that deception in those wily bloody leg-spinners that went clean around and behind the batsman's legs and invariably hit the...duh....legstump! He was a firebrand batsman as well and mostly got his runs with some well placed "adda" shots. "Adda" kinda sorta means shots that lacked proper cricketing technique but very extremely effective. He was a master Sweeper of the ball, having the ability to despatch the ball from even outside the off-stump to pretty much square on the leg side!

Off the field, he was (and is) a fantastic guy....with a razor sharp wit and a mouth to match! His innate ability to....err....rub people the wrong way got him into trouble occasionally....but the tactful bugger got off easy thanks to the gift of the gab. Probably the only guy on this planet never to dis-obey his dad, he managed to piss off the rest of us regularly by not showing up on time at the field! Taks, if you are reading this - forgive me bro, but there have been number of occasions when we have started a brand new match, on purpose, just when we saw you coming around the corner so we could make you wait until the next one started!

Though most of team pretty much belonged to RVCE and were very close to one another, Taks, Umi and Dumma are family! On quite a separate topic, he was instrumental in "introducing" Dumma and me to Jyothi - a firecracker of a girl! For that gesture of yours taks, we are immensely pleased! :-) That's a separate blog and is coming with all its gory details.....later!

Umesh - Umi for short. He had the nick of "bajaj" for a while (christened by Vishwa's mom) as he used to comb his hair in the rear-view mirror of a scooter just like the guy in the Bajaj Ad....phew....no wonder that didn't stick for long! Umi used to be the cool dude with an easy going attitude :-) making fun of Shiva and CNP was his main time pass + paisa vasool for the day! Used to ride a Hercules bicycle initially and many a times, used to carry Takloo's ass to the field on his rear carrier! :-) For that the rest of us are very grateful!

On the field, he was mainly an off-spin bowler and got his fair share of wickets....the cleverer batsmen would begin to read him well and that would spell trouble for dear Umi. He mostly scored his runs from the off-side too....coming to think of it! dunno what Umi's obsession with the "off-side" was coz I remember him mostly fielding in the covers....maybe a hot chick peeking through the windows from one of the houses outlining the field.....Bastard! I do know that he and Maamu (tbd) had a thing for this chick whose house was directly in the mid-on direction....and they would compete to run and go get the ball when it went into that house compound! Well, that pretty much explains why Umi was there in the first place..... :-) Sorry bro, I hope Jayanthi is NOT reading this, else you may be sleeping on the sofa..err...for a while! :-)

Off the field, He was a fantastic guy and used to go out of his way to help others....he and Sriram (Bong - tbd) hit it off pretty well as they had similar attributes - both smoked and called the ciggy as "energy stick"....they also had a weird but highly effective mechanism of taking the first alphabets of the key words of any topic in a subject and converting it to a perverted acronym of sorts...so that they could remember all the points and write the exam well.... Anything that was perverted had a higher chance of retention in the memory...ergo...better success in the exams.... I guess those were the only two guys who were "gifted" that way and good decent grades as a result! The rest of us never honed in on the "technique"! Double Oops brother......if you haven't told your missus that you used to smoke....I can visualize your ass lying on that sofa for a looooong time!! :-)

Well, it's 11:00 p.m. and I need to go hit the sack! have a long day and an even longer week coming up....

ciao for now!

DVG Cricket Gang!!

Triggered by some severe nostalgia after eating some killer Gobi Manchurian made by De-Silvi....plus the "active ingredient" as in a couple of glasses of '02 Shiraz from Shamanna's club (read Sam's Club) :-)

Here are the folks that graced the legendary DVG cricket ground in Banashankari circa 1990 to 1995, in no particular order. This is a description of that great period in our lives where tennis ball pitch catch world records were shattered to create new ones that still stand to this day! This was also a point in time when some of us decided to NOT quit our day jobs in the pursuit of cricket!

DISCLAIMER: Though I can assure the readers that 98+ % of the following anecdotes are true, there is something called artistic licence - though I have used it sparingly! Please do not add to the death threats that are already on my head! :-) Anyway here they are:

1. Shubakar - A Mech Engg dude who was 1 year senior to us....and had the...ahem... "reduced" patch of hair to prove it!! Please to note that reduced = 50 % off only. Infact he holds the record for being the only guy called "Uncle" by some little kids playing nearby...he was so pissed off that even CNP (tbd as in 'to be described'!) got him out the next few attempts. An aggressive right handed batsman and a leftie bowler, he was a unique combination and had the proven track record of being a single-handed match winner on many occasions. He used to drive a Kawasaki Bajaj 100 CC if memory serves me right....he treated it like a Rolls Royce. Hands down, it was THE cleanest vehicle in the gang....specially please to note the massive twin horns (saale log, I know what you all are thinking! horns as in sound horn!!) that he got custom installed so as to attract girls from a mile away! The net result was that he not only repelled any girls in sight but also a few lorries along the way due to the decibel levels....

He was the A - type personality of the group and usually was the captain of one of the sides....funny as hell and always the cool guy to hang out with!

2. CNP - His real name is Narasimha Prasad, but he's popularly called CNP. (Explanation - break ki baad!) Quintessential part of the 89-93 RVCE IPE Batch, he was the butt of all jokes....He was a key member in the local RSS sangha....the demise of that venture came when he got involved with us and started ditching the sangha's activities and probably got booted outta there soon after. The acronym CNP stands for a number of things, a few are described below from memory:
Chaddi Narasimha Prasad - for his RSS Connection where he used to wear "air-conditioned" chaddis not unlike the madrasi policemen...atleast they had a reason! :-)
Cabaret Narasimha Prasad - for his legendary fielding (or lack thereof) skills when he would strike these bizarre poses yet miss the bloody ball! Any shot towards him > 20 kms per hour would have him scurry away from the ball!
Chul Narasimha Prasad - is actually a B-grade kannada word that cannot be sufficiently described in English to do justice to the wonderful word......so I'll pass! :-) Kannadigas will get it for sure....if not, shame on you! :-)
Chillare Narasimha Prasad - his low scoring attempts got him that one!

To continue his wonderful skills on the field, he was an absolute terror to the bowler.....when he was fielding that is!!! There is no position that one could position this guy and stop the run riot to the left, right and center of CNP!! He probably has bowled 20 overs in the 5 years that he played with us....and has crossed single digit runs about the same number of times....He was pretty regular and he was the absolute darling of the opposing team batsmen! When he has come in as a last batsman, he has snared victory for his team precisely 3.284 times. Dont ask me how I got to that number as I'm probably drunk off my ass at this stage.

Off the field, he was (and is) a very pleasing personality.....very affable and friendly guy. He drove a black Hero Puch back then....his moustache resembled the handlebar of the Hero Puch as well! When the left hand wasn't changing gears, it would rest on the left side of his "handle bar" mush at all times....he drove like a maniac and had many successful wheelie attempts on his bike!

He also holds the record for almost drowning while on a trip to Meke Daatu (if I remember correctly!). The gang was busy eating chapatis and alu gadde palya (potato cury) and he finished first. He went down to the river bank to fetch a bottle of water and slipped and fell into some pretty fast currents! It took Shiva, Dumma, Vishwa and myself to drag his ass out of the water!

There are more stalwarts to come.....but it's been a long night....Be sure to expect more! Ciao for now!

Rambling.....

I keep wondering what is my purpose in life...why am I here? Am I here to do great things or am I just another one of the 5+ billion people that inhabit this planet..... with most of us not even sure why we exist? Damn it, I dont even know what I mean by Great things! I am born, live life in some random fashion, make a few relationships along the way, some more enduring than others...and then fade away and die...not knowing if I even made any difference in anyone's life....

There used to be a point in time even until after my final year engineering exams that I used to feel like the most carefree person under the sun...all I aspired was for 3 meals a day and 5 rupees so I could go to the National College swimming pool and enjoy swimming with my friends.....

Such undiluted joy....such blissfully ignorant attitude that everything would be alright....nary a care in the world.....

Hell, I used to sleep like a log....12 hours a day....so much that waking me up before that was damn near impossible....why is it that I can't sleep soundly for even 6 hours now without tossing and turning and waking up like BBC news....every hour on the hour?

Used to be a point in time when I loved my job......or atleast thought I did. With every new job that I've held since, I have grown increasingly detached and disinterested....but yet I labour away everyday - I need this "job" to be able to support my family. Trading everyday happiness to financial security - is this what I was meant to do?

What are my choices....when will I figure out what I really like to do? I like helping people.....getting involved with teams....working hand in hand.....to do anything and I truly mean anything. How do I find something that is meaningful, provides for enough money to get by with a simple lifestyle and enables me to help myself by helping others....

I am SELFISH even when I'm helping others.....isn't it? that's really what it is......I help friends / family / strangers alike so that I feel better.....what is more selfish than that? at some level, it seems as if I'm living for myself and myself alone!

I NEED to find myself.....need to write.....need to channelize my thoughts on screen, paper, whatever......I HAVE to start somewhere.....find my roots.....what used to make me tick.....happy....contented.....joyful.....

I know one thing that SIMPLICITY is part of the answer.....if all this work experience of 12 years has taught me anything at all, it is that if it's SIMPLE it WORKS!!!

Well, so long then Mr. De-Silva, have a simple life....and let's see where it goes from there.....have a good night! Cheers.

Learning Swimming…… :-) or rambling? True Story Folks!

The scene is set in Bangalore…..circa 1984….8th standard (not grade!) summer holidays…..when we lived in ever-green Malleswaram with mango and jackfruit trees lining portions of 8th cross….and Sampige Road….which also had the Sampige trees ofcourse….I believe they’re called Jasmine trees in English…..not quite sure!


I used to be great friends with Ashwin, a lad from the neighbourhood….he was a couple of years senior to me in school…..one who was gifted with an almost supernatural ability when it came to sports and an equally moronic ability when it came to Math and Science….

We shared a mutualistic symbiotic relationship (Hey, I’m right about this terminology – I just googled this shit!) of sorts where I taught him how to count on his fingers and that fire does generate light and heat (while he burnt his fingers trying to light his first ciggy!) and he taught me the fundamental principles of hand-eye co-ordination by whacking me (repeatedly) with a tennis ball while I desperately tried to catch it…

Anyways…Lord Ashwin, one fine afternoon condescended to agree to my begging and pleading and decided to help me learn swimming! It was decided that we would begin the next day morning at 6:00 am….the very first batch for the day…..why 6:00 am…..even God doesn’t know why…..his rationale was that the water would be the cleanest then…..my justification that the Chlorine in the water would kill the germs etc,. and other scientific explanations fell on deaf ears….Lord Ashwin was steadfast in his stupidity and no mortal could change his line of thought!

My mom ofcourse was so happy that her putra ratna (diamond of a son!) was doing something other then vegetating in bed until noon….she set the alarm for an early 5:00 am and woke me up with a hot cup of steaming filter coffee….

Here, with your kind permission my dear Sirs, I must digress to a discussion on caffeine in the decoction - that is the “active ingredient” in coffee. I compare the olden day gravitationally derived drip decoction thingamajig to a naturally aspirated engine…..where as the present day’s coffee maker is a force-fed a.k.a. turbo-charged engine. Bottom line folks…..I hate turbo-lag and the waiting until 3000 r.p.m for it to kick in deal…..and therefore prefer the good old 2 compartment stainless steel decoction maker. Anyway, like I said - I’m digressing :-P

So after having been “suitably woken up” with this caffeine infested, sugary and milky concoction…off we went riding our bi-cycles at 5:30 am towards the Sadashivnagar swimming pool….via Sankey Road….which ofcourse encircles the Sankey Tank. Here is where people who cannot afford the Rs. 5 per hour batch to swim go and swim! The reason why the Sankey Tank was not on our “favorite places to swim” list was because most of the adults and kids alike from the neighbouring slum areas used it for “purposes” other than swimming if you get my drift!
Aaah….I just caught myself rambling again!


We reached the cycle stand at the swimming pool, paid the 25 paise ( yes….the same 25 paise coin that’s almost out of circulation now!) for the cycle stand wallah and headed to the ticket counter…where there were only 4 or 5 people ahead of us! And not the hundreds he had talked about… After a few choice kannada swear words that included Lord Ashwin’s ancestors and made his grandparents turn in their graves, we went into the pool complex.

We went up the steps and placed our sandals (chappals..to stick to the terminology here) and our plastic bags containing a towel and undies, on the steps. Stripped down to our undies ( Hey, swimming trunks came much later folks…..I wasn’t even sure if I would ever learn swimming so didn’t buy them!) and I meekly followed him towards the showers….

By now, I was getting shit scared….coz after the initial enthu had all but died down, it came down to the fact that I had to get into the water…..and push my head into the water and get my feet off the ground and start kicking…..no amount of earlier “theory” lessons from the Lord had instilled even a semblance of a plan or co-ordination in my head…..the co-ordinationally challenged one!

But first, we had to shower…..he came by and made me stand under the shower….went to the shower and opened the tap…..and out came COLD water gushing down……and I was screaming for my mom! The season may have been summer folks…..but THAT water on THAT morning might have as well been piped in from a refrigerator! The Lord stood at a safe distance and laughed his ass off while I was on a sensory overdrive! Talk about being AWAKE!

And when it was his turn to take a shower, he non-chalantly shrugged his shoulders and said that since it was that early…nobody was checking to see if everyone showered….so he wouldn’t do it…..the little Bastard!

The sun had not yet risen….and it was still reasonably dark….and Ashwin lead the way towards the pool…..He asked me to watch him jump in and then follow him….he said that the water there was 3.5 feet and since we were 4.5 feet or taller…..I would be OK….

He took a few steps back to prepare for a running start…and he took a big leap and SPLASH! Into the pool he went, head and everything…..2 seconds later, his head bobbed up and there he was…standing in around 4 feet of water… he asked me to follow suit…

I was way too scared and all…so I told him I would climb down the steps the first time…right then he started teasing me that I was a girl and that I couldn’t jump….’Lo naanu hudugiru illi jump madodu nodidino…..neenu yeno althiya?’ was his retort! It meant – Hey, I have seen girls jump into the water from here….why are you crying like one?’. If that didn’t spur me into action, I didn’t know what would…..so I took a deep breath and jumped in…..and kept going in…..deeper and deeper….no ground for my feet to stand up on….started kicking and all the air in my lungs escaped…..started drinking water…..must have drunk a bucket of water atleast…..when I felt a pair of hands drag me up towards the surface….it was Ashwin….

The son-of-an-electron-gun had jumped into the deep end of the pool and had quickly re-surfaced….and kept kicking his legs so it appeared as if he was standing…..The coach / lifeguard pulled me out of the water, made my lie on my belly and a couple of big squeezes in my stomach, had me spit out all the water I had drunk….he whacked Ashwin on his head and ordered him never to set foot in that pool again! my head was still reeling from all that had happened in a matter of less than a minute….it was too much to bear….so I lay down until I felt better…..then we picked up our cycles and rode an uneventful…silent journey back home…..

He promised to “really” teach me swimming and that he did it coz I swore at his family in the cycle stand….although I think this whole episode was what is called in ‘Law & Order’ terms as “Pre-meditated”.
I did not spill the beans on what happened to my mom….and decided to go with Ashwin again the next day. True to his word, he did teach me swimming….the initial floating….followed by “free style” aka the American crawl….

I got pretty good at it by the end of the summer of 84….and swam every single day…..had a growth spurt of about 2 or 3 inches to my height…so much that my pants had become ‘jataka sabi’ pants….a colloquial term for pants that ride above one’s ankles…..

Then came time to learn the back stroke…….but that’s a whole another ball game….and a whole another blog!

Hope you enjoyed my saga of learning swimming! Cheers.