Rambling.....
I keep wondering what is my purpose in life...why am I here? Am I here to do great things or am I just another one of the 5+ billion people that inhabit this planet..... with most of us not even sure why we exist? Damn it, I dont even know what I mean by Great things! I am born, live life in some random fashion, make a few relationships along the way, some more enduring than others...and then fade away and die...not knowing if I even made any difference in anyone's life....
There used to be a point in time even until after my final year engineering exams that I used to feel like the most carefree person under the sun...all I aspired was for 3 meals a day and 5 rupees so I could go to the National College swimming pool and enjoy swimming with my friends.....
Such undiluted joy....such blissfully ignorant attitude that everything would be alright....nary a care in the world.....
Hell, I used to sleep like a log....12 hours a day....so much that waking me up before that was damn near impossible....why is it that I can't sleep soundly for even 6 hours now without tossing and turning and waking up like BBC news....every hour on the hour?
Used to be a point in time when I loved my job......or atleast thought I did. With every new job that I've held since, I have grown increasingly detached and disinterested....but yet I labour away everyday - I need this "job" to be able to support my family. Trading everyday happiness to financial security - is this what I was meant to do?
What are my choices....when will I figure out what I really like to do? I like helping people.....getting involved with teams....working hand in hand.....to do anything and I truly mean anything. How do I find something that is meaningful, provides for enough money to get by with a simple lifestyle and enables me to help myself by helping others....
I am SELFISH even when I'm helping others.....isn't it? that's really what it is......I help friends / family / strangers alike so that I feel better.....what is more selfish than that? at some level, it seems as if I'm living for myself and myself alone!
I NEED to find myself.....need to write.....need to channelize my thoughts on screen, paper, whatever......I HAVE to start somewhere.....find my roots.....what used to make me tick.....happy....contented.....joyful.....
I know one thing that SIMPLICITY is part of the answer.....if all this work experience of 12 years has taught me anything at all, it is that if it's SIMPLE it WORKS!!!
Well, so long then Mr. De-Silva, have a simple life....and let's see where it goes from there.....have a good night! Cheers.
posted by De-Silva | 3/13/2006 10:37:00 PM
3 Comments:
Maybe such blissfully ignorant attitude vanishes from all of us as we grow into matured adults! ! ! strange that the virtue which shapes us as persons now sheds itself away from us and we are ready to adopt lot more emotions,selfishness,anger,Ego and whatnot,Are we really growing up in life? are we satisfied with the increase in bank balances and the material benefits? I dont think any of of us have a straight answer for that too:)
Yeah,we sure get selfish when we help others,because in return we are helping ourselves,by sharing a smile we are smiling too:)
Goodluck for finding yourself,that day you wont have many questions left un answered i guess.
Came here from ardra's blog.
Plastic ... dude ... Plastic! That's why we are here (to reference Sujith ;) )
http://sujithrk.blogspot.com/2005_01_01_sujithrk_archive.html
-Venky
we all keep rambling on - that point where all questions cease and there's no need for answers is beckoning to us from yonder horizon...
but then i guess when u help- others or u'r self with zero expectations- simplicity happens...
and looks like u're keeping u'r word ..:-)
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